Becky and I typically VLOG on Mondays, but weren’t able to coordinate our schedules this week. So I found this series that I thought was really interesting and helpful. Part of living free in Christ requires having good boundaries with unsafe people. The Manipulation Series by Jeffrey Watts describes the tactics used by abusers to control their victims. If you are facing a form of psychological or physical abuse in your life, this series will be helpful to check out. And if you are in an abusive relationship, we encourage you to take steps to protect yourself and get help.
The Manipulation Series – Introduction
The Manipulation Series – Gaslighting
The Manipulation Series – Sarcasm
The Manipulation Series – Minimalization
The Manipulation Series – Scapegoating
The Manipulation Series – Judgment vs. Intuition
The Manipulation Series – Projection
The Manipulation Series – Terrorizing
The Manipulation Series – Teasing
*While I found these videos to be excellent, I cannot find any biographical info on Jeffrey Watts, beyond that he is a psychologist. I came across the series on the website, A Cry for Justice. “Jeff Crippen, author and pastor for over 30 years, and Barbara Roberts, author and survivor of domestic abuse, created this website to:
- educate people to the abuser’s mentality and tactics
- teach what scripture really says about abuse, marriage, and divorce
- recommend resources for further help
- provide a safe environment for victims of domestic abuse to be encouraged, validated, and believed.”
Be sure to visit A Cry for Justice if you have been a victim of psychological, physical or spiritual abuse.
Along the same lines, I read this post on Elizabeth Esther’s blog awhile ago entitled, “A Handy Guide for Dealing with Manipulative People.” Esther’s book was just released March 18th and looks really good: “Girl at the End of the World: My Escape from Fundamentalism in Search for Faith with a Future.” Her tips for dealing with manipulative people:
- Manipulative people make their requests sound like a great, special offer just for you when the reality is, you are the one doing THEM a favor. Whenever a manipulative person asks me to do something for them, I remind myself that I am under no obligation to say yes. And furthermore, I should not feel the need to apologize for saying no. Additionally, I do not owe them any explanation for saying no.
- Arguing with a manipulator is like arguing with a drug addict. You’re not arguing with the person, you’re arguing with the drug. Everything a manipulator says serves their own personal agenda. Instead of making it a personal discussion, deal with them as if you are simply dealing with their vice. You are talking to their drug/vice addiction. You wouldn’t apologize to an addict for not giving into their requests, right? If their request violates your personal boundary, the answer is always no.
- Manipulative people are accustomed to getting their way. Not only do manipulators want you to say yes to their requests, they want you to say yes NOW. Manipulators usually get angry or vindictive when they don’t get their way. To avoid the drama and maintain your boundaries, defer your answer to a later time. Say something like: “I’ll have to get back to you on that.” When you do say no, say it in the least personal way possible; ie. via voice-message, email or text.
Be well, friends! We’ll be back with a VLOG next week!