I am a 35-year-old Christian woman that isn’t in a relationship and isn’t married. I grew up in a Christian environment with parents that are still together. I never dreamt I would be in my 30s single with no kids. I dreamt of being a wife and a mother. I think I would make a great wife and mother. I’ve had a lot of different emotions about my single life through the years, but these days I seem to have more questions than emotions – What messages have I been told about being single? What messages do I tell myself? Did I do something wrong? Is being single a blessing? Why do I still desire marriage and kids if it’s not God’s Plan for me? What is God trying to teach me? Etc. Etc. Etc.
The questions can make me a little crazy some days! But I have learned in life that the best place to take my questions are to the foot of the cross. There isn’t always an answer to my question, but there is always love and grace at the foot of the cross. Some of my questions do have answers that I must wrestle through. Let’s tackle a couple here now.
What have I been told about singleness, both intentionally and unintentionally?
In Christian society, I often feel like I haven’t grown up yet. Like I have not arrived into the life God made for me because I do not have a husband to lead me. Marriage feels like it is held up as God’s ideal for us all and because I don’t have it I am somehow missing out on God’s best life.
In secular society, I often feel like my life needs to be wild and sexually free because I am single. Most assume I sleep around and enjoy not being in a monogamist relationship, then the bomb comes when they find out I am a virgin. Yes, the 35 year old virgin! My non-Christian friends cannot understand it and often then just treat me with pity. Again, I am treated like I am missing out on the best life has to offer.
Now, what messages do I tell myself. If I’m honest, at times I believe all the lies I just talked about. Some days I do feel like I am missing out, like I haven’t arrived, and that I will be alone forever. On these days I have to run to the only place I know to find truth – back to the foot of the cross, to the arms of my Creator, and to the love of my Savior. It is here that I am reminded who I am!
The truth that God whispers in my ear is that I am His and no one will ever love me like He does. That I will never be alone because it is He who walks beside me. Now I want to stop here and say what many of you single folks might be thinking, “That is all well and good, but doesn’t produce a flesh and blood person to do life with.” To this, I say I know. For years, and on some days even now, I feel lonely. I long for someone to help me with things. I long for a partner. Yet with my whole heart, I believe God is enough. I would love to be a wife and a mother someday, but if that day never comes I will still live a great life. I am a beloved daughter of God that has amazing family and friends that love me and let me love them back. I have a job and hobbies that let me pour into others, as they pour into me. I am blessed. I am loved.
At this point in my life, I have learned to celebrate the good parts of being single and to face the hard parts with those that love me and in the arms of my good God. One of the biggest things I have learned I will talk about more in another blog entry or in an upcoming vlog entry with Ruth and Becky, but it is that I am so much more than a label. Who I am is not in the label of singleness.
Until next time…enjoy life, regardless of any label!!!
Love & Laughter,
Becky and Ruth are pleased to share this guest post from the wise and wonderful Amy St. John. Amy is a Relay Event Specialist for the American Cancer Society and serves on the Board of Directors for North Harbor Community Church in Topsham, Maine. She is a Beautiful Kingdom Warrior through and through!!!
Please leave Amy a comment, thanking her for sharing her story here and encouraging her to come back soon!
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