Tag Archives: church

Resource list: Abuse advocates and experts

Posted on March 12, 2021 by | 25 comments

Over the past few years with #churchtoo disclosures and allegations, as well as the tidal wave of prominent pastors’ “deeds of darkness” being exposed, it is clear that the evangelical church has an abuse problem. Perhaps even more tragically, when we respond poorly to abuse, we exacerbate the pain and trauma of the victims and enable the perpetrators, endangering others and harming the witness of the church. It is imperative that we learn how to respond in a way that ministers to victims, holds perpetrators accountable, and creates a safe, healthy environment for our faith communities.

I wanted to make this post as a resource for pastors, lay leaders, and abuse survivors to facilitate abuse education. For each of us, it is not a matter of if we will face abuse in our own community, but when. So I asked The Beautiful Kingdom Warrior Facebook community to help me compile a list of abuse advocates in this comment thread. Below, I have fleshed out our list with links to the advocates’ websites, books, and social media so that you can easily follow them and begin to learn more about the prevalence and dynamics of abuse. Be sure to pass this post along.

To begin, here is a link to a short article I wrote on the dynamics of abuse for my denomination’s digital magazine, and here are some useful images for familiarization with the dynamics of abuse:

Abuse Advocates and Experts (in alphabetical order):

*book links are to my Amazon Affiliate store: thebeautif017-20

Dr. Dan Allender – The Allender Center

Bio: Prominent Christian therapist, author, professor, and speaker focusing on sexual abuse and trauma recovery
Website: www.theallendercenter.org
Book: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Vimeo

Shahida Arabi – Self-Care Haven

Bio: Columbia U grad who studied bullying; best-selling author specializing in narcissism and self-care
Website: shahidaarabi.com, Self-Care Haven blog
Books: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare; POWER: Surviving and Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse
Social Media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter

Lundy Bancroft

Bio: 25 years experience in the fields of abuse, trauma and recovery; counseling, workshops and public speaking
Website: lundybancroft.com
Books: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men; Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Social media: Facebook

Laura Barringer

Bio: Educator, Advocate and Co-Author of A Church Called Tov
Website: linktr.ee/laurabarringer
Book: A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing
Social media: Instagram, Twitter

Andrew J. Bauman

Bio: Christian Author, Therapist, & Abuse Advocate. Helping men become sexually healthy.
Website: andrewjbauman.com
Books: The Sexually Healthy Man, The Psychology of Porn, Stumbling Toward Wholeness
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Podcast

Gretchen Baskerville – Life Saving Divorce

Bio: Christian Divorce Recovery Minister, Author and Abuse Advocate
Website: lifesavingdivorce.com
Book: The Life Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Vimeo

Nichole Braddock Bromley – One Voice

Bio: Author, International Speaker, Sexual Abuse Survivor, and Activist
Website: iamonevoice.com
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Podcast

Jeff Crippen – Unholy Charade

Bio: Pastor, Author and Abuse Advocate
Website: unholycharade.com
Books: A Cry for Justice; Unholy Charade
Social media: Twitter, Sermon Audio: 21 sermons on abuse

Chuck DeGroat

Bio: Professor of Pastoral Care and Christian Spirituality at Western Seminary; Therapist; Author
Website: www.chuckdegroat.net
Book: When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram

Rachael Denhollander

Bio: Lawyer, first accuser of Larry Nassar; Abuse Advocate and Consultant
Website: rachaeldenhollander.com
Book: What is a Girl Worth?; How Much is a Little Girl Worth?
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

F. Remy Diederich

Bio: Pastor, Author – helps people overcome life’s hurts with God’s help
Website: readingremy.com
Books: Broken Trust, Healing the Hurts of Your Past
Social media: Facebook

Patrick Doyle

Bio: Abuse survivor, Coach for those affected by emotional abuse, Speaker
Website: patrickdoyle.life
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, YouTube

Ashley Easter – Courage 365

Bio: Founder of Courage 365, a catalyst to cultivate and empower a Justice Generation that resists abuse everywhere
Website: courage365.org
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Bob & Helga Edwards

Bio: Christian Therapists and Public Speakers
Website: awakedeborah.com
Book: Addressing Domestic Violence in the Church
Social media: Facebook

Maureen Farrell Garcia

Bio: Christian Writer, Speaker, Instructor, and Abuse Victim-Survivor Advocate
Website: maureenfgarcia.com
Social media: Twitter

Give Her Wings

Mission: We serve, without judgment and with compassion, single mothers who have left abusive relationships. Our goal is to show them the community and body of the Church, when they otherwise are not finding it.
Website: giveherwings.com
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

GRACE – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment

Mission: Empowering Christian communities to recognize, prevent, and respond to abuse. Founded in 2004.

“With a combined experience of over 100 years of addressing abuse-related issues, GRACE has accumulated and organized a wealth of resources from mental health experts, former prosecutors, and theologians to give you and your organization a well-rounded, robust, and deep understanding of abuse and how to prevent it. We all can make a difference by learning about abuse, become equipped on how to recognize it, and committing to responding appropriately. Browse the categories below to learn more.”

Website: netgrace.org
Social media: Facebook, YouTube; founder Boz Tchividjian on Twitter

Natalie Hoffman – Flying Free Sisterhood

Bio: Author, Podcaster and Life Coach for women recovering from abusive marriages and churches
Website: flyingfreenow.com
Book: Is it me? Making sense of your confusing marriage
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Podcast

Kyle J. Howard

Bio: Christian Theologian, preacher, & trauma informed soul care provider; Survivor of racial and spiritual abuse
Website: kylejhoward.com
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

Mariam Ibraheem – Tahrir Alnisa Foundation

Bio: Survivor of Sudanese Prison and Domestic Violence; Director of Global Mobilization and Co-Founder of TAF
Website: tahriralnisa.org
Mission: “We empower women escaping abuse by assisting with housing, medical care, trauma recovery, and legal fees.”
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Virginia Knowles

Bio: Practical Theologian researching authoritarian and/or aberrant religious movements, spiritual abuse and family dysfunction
Website: virginiaknowles.com
Forthcoming book: Burned: Rising from the ashes of spiritual crisis

Dr. Diane Langberg

Bio: Christian Psychologist with 50 years experience counseling trauma survivors; Speaker, Consultant, Author
Website: dianelangberg.com
Books: Suffering and the Heart of God, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church
Social media: Twitter

This video is an excellent discussion about Ravi Zacharias’ decades long deceit and abuse and the system that enabled him:


Bekah Legg – Restored

Bio: Director of Restored, “Working alongside churches to end violence against women”
Website: restored-uk.org, bekahlegg.com
Social media: Restored’s Facebook, Twitter, YouTube; Bekah’s Twitter

Sarah McDugal

Bio: Empowering women to recover from abuse in the faith community. Coaching + Courses + Groups
Website: wildernesstowild.com
Books: Safe Churches: Responding to Abuse in the Faith Community; Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube

Scot McKnight

Bio: Professor at Northern Seminary, Theology Blogger, Co-Author of A Church Called Tov
Website: Jesus Creed
Book: A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture that Resists Abuse and Promotes Healing
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

Chris Moles – PeaceWorks University

Bio: Pastor, Speaker, Biblical Counselor addressing domestic violence
Website: chrismoles.com
Book: The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Control and Violence in the Home
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, The Safest Place: Domestic Abuse and the Church FB group

Wade Mullen

Bio: M.Div Program Director at Capital Seminary & Graduate School, Author, Abuse Advocate
Website: wadetmullen.com
Book: Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself from Its Power 
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

Julie Owens

Bio: Expert Consultant, Trainer and Keynote Speaker on violence against women and trauma
Website: domesticviolenceexpert.org
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

Naghmeh Abedini Panahi – Tahrir Alnisa Foundation

Bio: Iranian Church Planter and Domestic Violence Survivor; Executive Director and Co-Founder of TAF
Website: tahriralnisa.org
Mission: “We empower women escaping abuse by assisting with housing, medical care, trauma recovery, and legal fees.”
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Brian Peck – Room to Thrive

Bio: Licensed Therapist, Trauma Coach, helping people resolve religious trauma and thrive after deconstruction
Website: roomtothrive.com
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube

Sarah K. Ramsey – Toxic Person Proof

Bio: Toxic Relationship Specialist, Author, Podcaster, Consultant
Website: sarahkramsey.com
Book: Becoming Toxic Person Proof
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Podcast

Dr. Anna Salter

Bio: Training, Consulting and Publications on Sex Abuse, Offenders, and Victimization
Website: annasalter.com
Book: Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists and Other Sex Offenders
Documentary: Predators

Dr. Christy Gunter Sim

Bio: Expert Training, Advising and Consulting on Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Trauma Healing
Website: drchristysim.com
Book: Survivor Care: What Religious Professionals Need to Know about Healing Trauma
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram

Eric Skwarczynski – Preacher Boys

Bio: A podcast and upcoming documentary shedding light on decades of abuse within the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement
Website: preacherboysdoc.com
Social media: Facebook, Twitter (Preacher Boys), Twitter (Eric), Instagram, YouTube, Podcast

Julie Anne Smith – Spiritual Sounding Board

Bio: Blogger, Abuse Advocate and Survivor; “Out of our wounds flow compassion, understanding, & grace. May we all be ‘wounded healers’ who do no harm.“
Website: spiritualsoundingboard.com
Social media: Facebook, Twitter

Shanell T. Smith

Bio: Minister, Professor, Consultant, Author, Survivor
Website: shanelltsmithconsulting.com
Book: Touched: For Survivors of Sexual Assault Like Me Who Have Been Hurt by Church Fol…
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Elaine Storkey

Bio: Writer, Broadcaster, Speaker, Author, Christian Feminist
Website: elainestorkey.com
Book: Scars Across Humanity: Understanding and Overcoming Violence Against Women
Social media: Twitter

Darby Strickland

Bio: Biblical Counselor, Speaker and Author
Website: darbystrickland.com
Book: Is it Abuse? A Biblical Guide to identifying domestic abuse and helping victims
Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter

The Hope of Survivors

Mission: A non-profit dedicated to assisting victims of clergy sexual abuse and misconduct
Website: thehopeofsurvivors.org
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube

Shannon Thomas

Bio: Trauma Therapist, Author
Website: shannonthomas.com
Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse, Exposing Financial Abuse
Social media: Facebook, Instagram

Lori Anne Thompson

Bio: Registered Kinesiologist and expertise in the protection of people from the ravages of poverty, adverse childhood experience, and interpersonal violence. Survivor of Ravi Zacharias abuse.
Website: loriannethompson.com
Social media: Twitter

This interview is a must see. Lori Anne articulates the dynamics of abuse so profoundly and carefully with great expertise.

Dr. Ruth Tucker

Bio: Former Professor at Calvin Theological Seminary, Author
Website: ruthtucker.com
Book: Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife

Tom Vermillion

Bio: Pastor, Author
Website: tomvermillion.com
Book: Born To Be Free: Discovering Christ’s Power to Set You Free from a Painful Past
Social media: Twitter

Leslie Vernick

Bio: Speaker, Author, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Relationship Coach
Website: leslievernick.com
Books: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
Social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Who would you add? Let me know in the comments! Please share this important information!

*I am an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a percentage from books sales from the links above.

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Alan Hirsch – Missional Discipleship

Posted on October 12, 2018 by | 1 comment

alanhirschI had a wild experience this week, meeting a leader in the missional church movement that has been influential in my understanding of living on mission for God’s Kingdom. I had stayed up half the night before church last week, watching Alan Hirsch videos on Youtube, trying to find something I could show during our Sunday School hour to start a discussion on missional discipleship – which requires deconstructing our Christ-against-culture/evangelism/consumerism mindsets and reconstructing a mindset of discipleship through relationship, meeting and loving people where they are, drawing them to Christ through showing up, time and again.

Anyway, I had just had this Alan-Hirsch-binge and a few days later, was face-to-face with him at my job, where he was attending a dinner! “Are you Alan Hirsch?!” I exclaimed, and when he smilingly told me he was, we shook hands and I thanked him for his work. Then I recovered my professionalism and carried on. But it got me thinking that I ought to share his work here with my blog readers. So here is the video I chose for my Sunday School class, and the notes I passed out. You can learn more about Alan Hirsch here.

“Missional Discipleship” 

Discipleship is fundamental to our faith – it is formation in Christ. Missional discipleship incorporates the assimilation of spiritual disciplines (prayer, etc.) but goes beyond to involve ourselves in the eternal purposes of God in this world to redeem it to himself.

Highly transformative missional movements throughout history, with explosive growth and high transformation (the early Church, the Celtic movement, Moravians, Methodists, Pentecostals) have been obsessed with discipleship and disciple-making.

The key to the health, sustainment, extension and renewal of the church is not more evangelism, but more discipleship.

Greek philosopher Epictetus – “It’s impossible to teach a man what he thinks he already knows.”

There’s some unlearning we need to do. We’ve used the Great Commission to mean “we do evangelism.”

Matthew 28:16-20 “All power and authority has been given to me…Go…make disciples of the nations, teaching them to obey all that I’ve commanded you, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.” Where do you hear evangelism here? Evangelism is implied, but it is actually about discipleship.

The way we’ve been doing evangelism feeds consumerism. People are looking for purpose, meaning, significance, belonging, community – the very thing religion offers is being sought in consumption.

You can’t make disciples out of consumers. Jesus said “die,” come to the cross. You can’t take that out of the equation and expect the same results. We must begin with the end in mind – what God intends to achieve in the world. But we must also end with the beginning in mind. It’s all about discipleship, from beginning to end.

When were the disciples born again? Right up front? In the middle? Towards the end? The Johannine Pentecost (John 20:19-23)? Jesus has a whole lot of pre-conversion disciples. That’s what we should do! Don’t focus on the evangelism part, focus on discipleship. Somewhere along the line will come the born again experience – that comes from God. That’s Jesus’ business.

First draw out the image of God (Image Dei) and then the image of Christ (Imago Christi). Once you’re born again, you’re reformed into the image of Jesus.

Definition: The answer is Jesus.

I believe in substitutionary atonement achieved by Christ on the cross. But it’s not simply that. “It’s Jesus in my heart…but there’s no agenda in my life beyond that.”

Incarnation————————————————————————————————Cross
The exemplary life of Jesus, his life and teachings, the role he played –
This is the agenda of discipleship!

Ignoring the life of Jesus is a reduction of the Gospel that damages our capacity to be disciples. The cross is where Jesus is my Savior. The rest is where he is my Lord. It is a heresy to divide the person and work of Jesus.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer – “Discipleship means adherence to Christ, and, because Christ is the object of that adherence, it must take the form of discipleship. An abstract Christology, a doctrinal system, a general religious knowledge on the subject of grace or on the forgiveness of sins, render discipleship superfluous, and in fact they positively exclude any idea of discipleship whatever, and are essentially inimical to the whole conception of following Christ. Christianity without the living Christ is inevitably Christianity without discipleship. And Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ.”

C.S. Lewis “It is easy to think that the Church has a lot of different objects—education, building, missions, holding services …the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose. It says in the Bible that the whole universe was made for Christ, and that everything is to be gathered in him. That is what it is all about.”

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Guest Post: For the women who have been held back because of their gender

Posted on June 7, 2017 by | Leave a comment

women

This is for all the women who have ever been held back because of her gender:

I am a woman.

Beautiful, strong, and kind.

Teacher. Leader. Educator. God lover.

Spiritual. Emotional. Trying not to be cynical.

Because there are people who don’t see me for the person that I am – inside.

They see me as one-dimensional. Daughter of Eve. High heels. Tight jeans.

Sometimes I like red lips and too much mascara.

They see my womanhood as a threat. A temptress. Seductive.

Even with 30 extra pounds and graying hair, I’m a distraction. A nuisance.

Am I a disturbance? Someone to put on a shelf. Not needed. Not appreciated. Not valued. Not included.

No.

I am feminine. I am a mother. Daughter. Friend. Human being.

My voice matters. My opinions are valuable and significant. My ideas are worthy and creative.

I am NOT Charlie Brown’s teacher – open your ears and listen.

My existence should be praised. Honored.

If my presence makes you uncomfortable, that is on you – not me.

I will not apologize for my body type and my hair length.

Women are not just curves and shapes in clothing.

We are brains, strength, power.

If you would see us for who we are, not what we look like, you could learn.

I could teach you.

You could see that we could have a seat at the table. SHOULD have a seat at the table.

The lies need to be silenced and you should awaken to the truth, that I – that women – can do and be ANYTHING.

We are enough. I am enough.

Man – YOU are enough.

If you believe that, you wouldn’t be threatened by ME.

amber braddy jone

This beautiful post originally appeared on my friend Amber Jone’s Facebook timeline, where she regularly ministers with inspiring and encouraging messages.  Her husband Dale and my husband Logan grew up together and remain close friends.  Both Amber and Dale are pastors at Forest Park Church in Elizabeth City, NC.  Her bio on their website says:  “[Amber’s] role is to provide creativity and style to Forest Park, during the weekend services and online. Amber has a passion for the Arts and is talented in many aspects, including music, drama, design, fashion, and social media. She has been singing in churches since she was eight years old and has served on Praise and Worship teams since she was a teenager. She is passionate about seeing people recognize the love and grace that is offered through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Her other passions include her family, music, Ecuador missions, friends, and shoes. Amber married the love of her life, Dale Jones, in May 2001. They both share the love of music and have ministered together through singing since they met. They both serve as Worship leaders in the FPC Worship Band. Her heart also belongs to two other guys – her sons Barrett, born in 2004, and Chandler, born in 2007. Amber earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education and was employed by the Elizabeth City Pasquotank Schools from 1999-2004. In 2004, she became a stay-at-home mom. Amber’s favorite passage of scripture is 2 Corinthians 5:17 ‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!'”

Her post also included this disclaimer: “This is not about the men close to me. I am surrounded in my inner circle with men who are very supportive of me and women in general.”  What a gift!

And I can’t leave this post up without also blessing you with Amber and her brother Ricky Braddy’s beautiful singing in a service at FPC (posted by their mom, of course!):

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